9/22/2015 I'm not the best about keeping up with this thing, but when I write about things I love it's easier. Zoe is amazing, she amazes me everyday. I always wonder how she doesn't give up, but does she really even have a choice? No. That's another reason why does are amazing. They don't give up on life or their people. They can feel blue about something for awhile, but they realize they can overcome these challenges. They can really teach humans a lot. As I lay in bed with Zoe tonight, wondering what it's like to sleep normally in a bed because it's been so long I have forgotten, I realize how peaceful she is after everything she has gone through. After all the scary vet visits, having eye injections and one week ago, losing her right eye, how does she do it? Why don't more people adore these amazing creatures? How can someone who bruised and broken tourment an animal? They bring so much joy, peace and life lessons into your life if you let them. Can anyone answer me that? Happy Tuesday world. Thank you God for another beautiful day and another life lesson by Zoe. 🙌🏻
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9/16/2015 Last night I learned what it's like to be a mom. To be restless all night because you're wondering if your baby is ok. Every move that Zoe made, I was awake making sure she was okay. How can someone's mind know and accept these sort of feelings to let them barely sleep at night? I can't complain, as in my post yesterday, I'm ok with anything I do for her because I do it out of love. She is my life. Today I thought about how much I love her, how much I would rather have her in my life and have bills to pay for her rather than go out and by those expensive rag & bone shoes I want. Those shoes cannot bring happiness like she can and I know that. I've lived through it and I've tried those sort of scenarios. Was that Coach bag really worth it? No, it wasn't, it's just a thing, it doesn't bring me happiness, it doesn't make me smile, it carries my stuff. I thank god everyday for giving me my dog and for yet teaching me another life lesson. Let's hope tonight is easier and someone doesn't rip their stitches open tomorrow like they did today. Companionship is a beautiful thing and all I need for that right now, is my Zo zo. This is my 4.5 year old blind German Shepard/ husky mix who is blind. Today she had to have her right eye removed due to an eye infection that couldn't be treated with antibiotics and this is the conclusion I came too: I hate when people say to me, "why do you love your dog so much, it's just a dog." I can tell you exactly why. This dog has been through so much in the last four and a half years alive than some people ever have. This dog has given me something that no human being has ever been able to give me before. She taught me how to love unconditionally, something I have never felt before. She's taught me vulnerability, in her blindness, she has had to adjust to living in a world full of movement and still get by. She has taught me that a disability is only as much of as a disability that you allow it be. Lastly, she has taught me happiness through the good times and the bad, through the struggles and taught me how to cope. She has amazed me everyday that I've had her, so when you say she's just a dog, one could say that you are just a human. She has made me realize I don't really need that Kate Spade purse that costs an arm and a leg, I need happiness and love and that's what I get from my dog. I am so grateful for everyday I have had with her dread the day I lose her because I really know how much just a dog can change someone's life if they allow them. What is it you want for Christmas this year? Maybe it's something materialistic, maybe it's for a loved one to be back with you, for you to be able to give your family what you want. All of which can be important (well besides the materialistic, but for some that is important.) Everyone wants something different, but there is only so much we can do. Let me tell you what I want for Christmas...
I grew up poor, my family never coming from money. Never not having that feeling of living paycheck to paycheck, never having the chance to stop worrying about what bill they will have to put off for a few months. I wish more than anything in the world, that for Christmas all I could give is myself and my family a piece of mind on money issues. That for one month, or one whole year, we could just live in happiness and not have to stress about bills. Yes, it was my choice to go to college, but what sort of job can you get without a college degree these days? Even getting a job with a college diploma is hard. I know, because I'm stuck living with three student loans month to month. Grateful my father was able to give me a few years of his G.I Bill, but I'm still $50,000 in the whole because of this piece of paper I have saying I studied something for a few years. So I ask you to really think about what is the most important to yourself and the people around you this holiday season, whose life would you change/ could you I can't sleep. I'm lying awake in bed wonder where you are and if your thinking about me too. If you say I love you out loud or in your head at night while you're laying in a fox hole, hoping to secretly get a response. I struggled today without you, proof I need you in my life. Life is so different now, but not with us. We have a love that is strong. Just a look alone can tell me how much you love me. Were best friends. We are meant for each other. That's the easy part, figuring out life and jumping it's hurdles is what we need to work on. "Life's a mountain not a beach," that's what our fortune said. It's on the fridge hanging under the crooked c I used as a u so I could remind you how much I love you. We have our secrets. Not our individual ones, ours, it's what ties us together. I don't know, maybe you do, you know I don't keep anything in. You and I are the same, all in one, black and white, all at the same time, it makes sense to us. We may be the only two who can see it but we already know that no one else matters.
I've never hated the military until now, not before, not when my dad did his two deployments. He was strong, I was strong. Not when my little brother did a dangerous mission in Afghanistan, I was blinded and didn't let the emotions in, I pretended it wasn't real. Not at the military school where we met, I loved the discipline. I didn't realize how much I hate the military until you. It made me realize how much I love you, how strong love can be, what it can do to a person and how love can break a heart. All you have to do is separate that love from it's other half, it hasn't taught me anything, it's reminded me of a strong bond between two people that can't be broken. It takes me back to the "real" first night we met as I call it. You had an ugly sweater on, your were so tall and thin but I couldn't keep my eyes off of you. I'm usually not scared to approach people, it was different with you though. I don't know why, maybe the man upstairs new that our paths were crossing (again) and I unconsciously knew. You were so quiet, I usually hate people like you, not you though, you were different. I saw it in your smile, you were just as nervous as I was. Who fidgets with their phone around the opposite sex? It was an attraction since day one. Although you were a mystery and I feel as though you still are one, it's intriguing. I don't know why I got so lucky, I don't know why everyone saw me change, I never even noticed how much I changed until someone pointed it out. Love is strong, when you find the right person, your different for the better; if you're not, it's not true love. I apologize for letting myself get off track with my blogging. I forget how great it makes me feel to be able to write my ideas about life, share stories, etc. Today my question is why? Why do things happen to us and why at the moment? Can we explain these things?
Over the past few months I've been doing a little soul searching and it has lead me to church to help find the answers. The answer I have is having faith. Mostly in God and in one's self. I am not your average church goer, I am a 24-year-old trying to figure out life, trying to figure out why some things are handed to people while others have to work so hard. I believe we are given these situations because it is known that we can handle them and get thru them no matter how much it may take. Life is precious and I believe more people need to understand to appreciate the meaning of life, let me leave you with this question: What is the one thing you would want to do if you knew you were going to die tomorrow? Today was just another day, or was it? How do we know what we should be making our days, or how much of the days we even have left? Just a good question to think about. I'm sure not everyone thinks about being gone tomorrow, but it's going to happen to some of us. If that ends up being me, I'd want my family to know how much they mean to me and how appreciative I am of them. Pushing me through college, pushing me to conquer my fears and slay any dragon that may come my way.
It was a stressful day. Sometimes I don't let things bother me, but today I did. I've realized you mostly just need to care about yourself. Focus on your own happiness, but how easy is that? I was first inspired to start a blog last summer during school at Norwich University. My amazing, awesome professor Spring Ulmer gave me the will power to do so. Let it all out, put it on a page so people can read it. She was write and it feels good to just think out loud, too many people are afraid to do that. I'm glad I've got the friends I do. You can always tell who your true friends are by the lengths they are willing to go for you. I thank them too. If I died tomorrow, they would know how I felt and thats what matters. What would you say to the people you love if you died tomorrow? I DID IT! I graduated college! It may have taken five years and my family will never let me live that down, but I now have the most expensive piece of paper :)! It meant a lot for me that my family members were there and able to see me walk across the stage and grab the magical maroon tube!
My little brother Cody decided that his best choice in life was to leave Italy and the Army behind and come home. He felt as though the military had taken him from the family for a long enough period. To have my little brother there and watch me get my diploma, was the best feeling I have ever had. He even told me he teared up when he saw me walking. :) No one can ever get in the way of my family and I. They mean the world to me, even though we are all defiantly a little bit crazy :) |
Chelsea CatherineFun loving, energetic, 28 year-old there are some things that won't allow her to grow up. Lovin life and taking things day by day. Archives
September 2015
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